Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
