I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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