Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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