My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she smelled like a LAN party
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
