I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
