he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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