His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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