So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
