Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
