Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
