So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
