I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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