Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
