this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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