Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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