Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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