Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
