why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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