hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
