Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
