I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
