i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Less talking, more tequila
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
