Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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