found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
