if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
