Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
