If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
