Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
