woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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