Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
