I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
