I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
