I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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