Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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