he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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