my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
