WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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