Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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