she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
