You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
