Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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