I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
