i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
