....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
