You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
