Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
