what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
