I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
