Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize