my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
the raccoons are back...
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