i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
