i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
