She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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