why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
