Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
