This girl is more easily done than said...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
