have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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