um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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