drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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