This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
