I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
