I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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