some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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