just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
