He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
