the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
