the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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