I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
